Fatherhood and Childbirth

Why the silence?

The months have flown by, and my wife and I are looking forward to the birth of our first baby. Writing, a craft I'm fond of, has been a rare thing to do. In fact, other than the incomplete pile of short stories hanging heavily on my shoulder, I have been hesitant and slow in blogging about the new exciting thing going on in my life: Fatherhood. The ultra-sound says its going to be girl! (99% chance, they say, leaving a margin of error.)

Here is one of the ultra-sound images that blew me away:




Disclaimer:

Even though writing has been a task, I have been reading ok. Ive been reading "What to Expect When you are Expecting" and looking at the same online. Also, over the last two months, I've enjoyed a nice selection of fiction including Hemingway's "The Old Man and the Sea", Steinbeck's "Of Mice And Men" and Paton's "Cry, the Beloved Country". And of course, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes (I've been struggling with the other books.)


The exciting new thing...
Two weeks ago at week 30, she, the baby, turned her head to face downward in readiness for birth. That's a positive thing to know. Without that, the baby would be in a "breech" position, which calls for a c-section. Head must come out first during normal delivery.

My most exciting time has been when she moves what is evidently her legs, like she is kneading with her heels. It appears to be both ticklish to my wife, and at times its startling, especially at night. She has stopped short when I rub my hand over; I learned they realize a change in surface temperature on the area of contact and cease activity. Funny thing, they continue gamboling once your hand has been removed.

Useful Materials
Reading, doctor visits, getting a tip or two from those that have been there before ... all that is helpful. A most helpful book has been "What to Expect when Expecting", outlining week by week what on earth is going on in there!

Watching the 3D animation videos on the status of the baby each week has also been very educative. I have found this site to be helpful: babycenter.com. For instance, if I need to know whats happening on week 32, I use the pregnancy grid below the pregnancy navigation tab to select the week, and clicking on that will anchor me to all of the information pertaining to week 32. There is also a link to watch the inside development of the baby (with audio on it) embedded within the text.


Intelligent Design
God is truly a genius. The way that baby is formed and grows in the womb, getting nourishment and developing into a real person, is supernatural.
Refer to Psalm 139. I like vs 13-16(New International Version):

"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made...
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place
...your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book.."


Educative Film on Childbirth
We just completed watching a film recommended to us. "The Business of Being Born." (You can buy instant online download from amazon) On such issues as childbirth, I like the conservationist approach of "let the body do what it should naturally do." It is appalling to see designer childbirths. What? There is a popular culture of planning the date, place, etc, etc. I was also amazed at those who elect to have home births. I know that's a no-no on my front. For those that don't get the snowball of medication, etc (watch that film), it's a courageous thing. Now, that's what a celebrity birth would be. Hospital birth, on the other hand, is helpful, especially to those that have encountered "breech" or other complications. Emergencies are catered to very well, and it does save lives. It shouldn't be too commercialized though. Is every laboring mum and baby in danger like they seem to suggest in the media? Thinking hard about that!

At Last
Writing about this makes me feel far much better. I see there is still so much to learn, and some of it won't need book knowledge or hearsay! I discern it will naturally come when I hear that cry; when I see that tiny little thing; when i change the diapers or wash the baby. Getting up at night to check on them (no trouble, was once a night owl!) Let the God given instincts kick in. I hold truly to wise words:

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Proverbs 22:6

Stay well.

Writing from the Fatherhood Fort; albeit Manhood

1 story told by 10 writers

[B, F(Raystylus), Robert K, Tony W, Bryan, Davie K, John, F. Kiragu, even Kaj & Tsion]


It started with a picture, drawn by many hands. Each was to add to the sketch until it became a full picture. Not necessarily a meaningful piece of art, but one that must paint a mental image to the observer’s mind. Isn’t that what you would call a masterpiece?

Then B birthed a brilliant idea. Why, lets write a story, each one must contribute a sentence and pass it on to the next person. And it went on and on. This is what we came up with. (Forget syntax, just get the imaginative idea we were extrapolating…) I posted it here verbatim.


Once a upon a time, in a far, far away land, THERE LIVED A MAN whose goal was to find out what the real meaning of life was. He searched and searched, over the mountains and beyond the seas UNTIL HE MADE THE MOST UNFORGETTABLE ENCOUNTER…HE was right where he started…after walking around the world. It was round.

His inquisitive mind, coupled by his enthusiasm gave him the willpower to succeed. However, He had one leg, which made moving around hard. So he thought he cannot get a regular job unless he got a prosthetic leg, which he had to make himself out of oak tree. But even with one leg and the slim possibility of a prosthetic leg, his will was immovable. AFTER ALL, HE DID WALK AROUND THE WORLD. Thoughts of Giving up was crossed his mind. At that point he met a girl, who was a carpenter. She made him the perfect prosthetic leg. AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER! in a tree house. A prosthetic tree that was later infested by termites. NOW HE MUST CONTINUE HIS SEARCH FOR THE MEANING OF LIFE. “Where to start? He thought of climbing up the tree but he remembered that he only had one leg and they were about to be foreclosed on their tree. ALL SEEMED GLOOMY UNTIL THEY HEARD ABOUT…a sale on a senior citizen scooters but that did not move them. He had not finished paying for his prosthetic leg. Surprisingly she became pregnant, a prosthetic pregnancy. There was a government stimulus check for prosthetic pregnancies!

(continued?)

TWISTS

Short stories collection

Only a five-dollar bill. That’s all he had on his hand. The debit card had nothing on it, as the account was already on overdraft. No credit card to fall back to either - The bank called it “overdraft protection.” Every last one was in default, even the department store cards. For what could a man not borrow for these days? He blamed it on bad management of funds. No budget, No plan! Over time, too much had fallen too far behind, that he saw no use in trying to minimize or pay on debt. Rave Damsey! He loved to change the AM channel on his car radio, and stayed away from the weeknight business shows on cable TV, Ouze Srzman, frugal Hark Cloward and the like on TV. “Aa-gghh***!” he often said when he heard them ranting on their shows….

Things got to their worst when, as no surprise to him, the 2004 Dodge Intrepid was taken back by the bank, under the disgrace of the much dreaded rippo-man! “Man, I hate that rippoman sucker!” The repossession came the very day he was to appear before the judge for a minor traffic violation. Many times, he had “jumped” the orange light in haste to get to work, or someplace he was never on time for, even after the rush! “I owe I owe, off to work I go!” This was the dithyramb of people like he, debt to their eyeballs! Now he was somewhat indebted to the state for violation of traffic law.

Talk of getting late for anything else but not to appear in front of a judge or get late for work. Sustaining the job at the call center he was with for the last 14 months was based on how time honoring you were. Get late for even a minute, then in three strikes you’re out. Stay on “after call work”, buying time to take a breath after a stress call - that irate customer that cursed at you and your grandma for refusing to remove a $35 late fee - and you get written up for trying to steal company time. They don’t play! With such a high turnover, that’s why their training department was ever busy, one training class after another. And now they have a part time trainer.

And the judge, you need no telling to know you get more than justice when you dishonor the establishment by being late for your small case! Yet this day, when he was scheduled to appear before a judge at 9am, his car was gone. He had to call Atco Taxi Service, and part with the $5 before the next check came in. His roommates had told him of a plan that always worked. Show up for your citation and hope the officer that wrote you up will be too busy to show up. Deny your minor traffic violation and the citation is discarded. Twice or thrice his roommates’ traffic offenses had been purged that way.

Dialing the taxi dispatch number, he spoke as quickly and as clearly as he could since his cell phone minutes were to be used sparingly in these hard times. Nobody wants to pay extra for something that simple. They are not my friends anyway, he always said. They, the taxi-men, all had an accent. “Not like mine, though!”

Hector the driver picked him up in a jiffy. In such situations, there was no need to attempt a conversation, unless you didn't mind some scanty English.
“Como Estas, senor?”
“Great. Cool. Asante. Bien!” All these words ran through his mind, but he must have said only one of them in response to the greeting. He was a quick talker and seemed rude in the way he blurted out greetings. The cut-the-chase and lets move on kinda approach as always. Who cares anyway? This is America. The Latino beats jammed the taxi, and his mind went off into the events that led to his appearing before a judge this morning….



That Day

That day, he thought twice about speeding past the white minivan - that’s how the cops get you. But the van was so typical – don’t you hate it when you have to drag behind a van like a wagon harnessed to an ox? 45 mph, I mean, who drives that slowly when trying to get to work? Vans also tend to slow down as they approach an intersection that bears traffic lights. Just in case the lights change from amber to red, vans are sure to stop. This was a vexing behavior he felt he could never tolerate. Did not these mums and grandpas realize how annoying it was to other motorists when they 'lazied' around like that?

He feels the lights are going to change to amber any minute now, and decides against his better judgment to speed up and beat the lights. The lights indeed change to amber. He does not realize that an officer was patrolling the area, just in case a traffic issue needed his attention, as was the case many times during the morning rush. He crosses the intersection closely behind the white Odyssey van, maybe too close. With his thoughts on the black county police car, knowing what is about to happen next, he does not realize he has failed to slow down after passing the junction. The van is not only slowing down, but also seems to want to pull to the side of the street. Next he instinctively brakes and smells some gas he never wants to smell again. It all goes so swiftly that he does not realize what has happened. Glass shattered, airbags deployed! And he thought he had braked all he could. In this confusion, he hopes he is still alive. He also hopes he wasn’t driving his roommate’s car today.

***

ACCENT (continued)

My Accent

Going back to my accent, I have been psychologically prepared to defend my said “pronunciation error”- that fraction that ever happens. When I’m not pronouncing words as my counterparts would want to hear them, I shrug and say “maybe im stuck up on the Queen’s English!” Or when I don’t pronounce some words the exact way the advertiser’s I encounter at work are used to, I try to humor them by stating that I’ll try to say it differently (maybe thinking the whole time – if only you could listen). At one time, I had a hard time telling one good guy about a “brochure” – he couldn’t get it, till I spelled it out by the letter. I try to move on, and only explain it when need be- when asked to.

I believe there is so much good in being who I am (for what else can I be if not myself?) or how I speak. Character comes first. Hence, I’m happy about my English-African Accent in an industry where English majors and eloquent American accents prosper.

Like many fascinated by the question of language before me, I also call it “African English.” Most of my encounters with clients in the advertising and creative writing world are still fascinating, save for one here and there who lose you based on first impressions.

As to where one’s accent is from, one needs no shame in saying in no uncertain terms that it is a Canadian, Nigerian, Kenyan, Jamaican, or even an Indian accent. We cannot all speak in one accent. Accent, being the unique manner in which we pronounce words is by no means wrong! That’s one of the right things about you! But to use your accent as a means to not excel- that is wrong. Love yourself enough to do the necessary to learn and apply certain intonations and use of words only to be understood, not to be accepted! Im serious! That’s what I do!

As to where my accent is from, I needed no further prompting or affirmation to tell. In fact, the thought on her mind (the nice lady who prompted this discussion) was that smart Indian student in her class, with an accent. Then she said, “You have a beautiful accent!”

Its hard to hide an accent, as much as you cannot hide your skin color or change the prints on your hand, DNA, etc.

In Dr. King’s philosophy of moral justice, we learn not to judge a person by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. In today’s context, avoiding superficiality and searching for truth.

The Accent
The way I see it, it’s a good thing to be told you have an accent. As many say “where did the tan come from?” when one returns from vacationing in some tropical beach. A friend of mine is keen to say “Don’t apologize to anyone for mispronouncing the word “burger” or “park!” Stress it enough to be understood and don’t second-guess yourself when clarification is requested. Those who say “huh” in that drive-through speaker are simply trying to understand – they seem to always be caught off guard. And also, be the one to ask “please say that one more time...” to grasp what someone with a different accent said. It is you I’m more concerned about because it is you I have seen uknowingly hiding your true self- Unconsciously.


For God’s sake, if you were to be ashamed of your accent one more day, you are missing out on a special part of your life, and you may be trading your heritage for the interstices of inbetweenness. (Not fun!) No heritage is as good as the other, so lets embrace language and culture both ways, not neglecting one and championing the other. After all, truth & tradition go hand in hand.

Remember, an accent is just a difference in the way we stress syllables!

ACCENTS AND ESTEEM:

So, where is your accent from?

Accent: According to Wikipedia, in linguistics, “an accent is a manner of pronunciation of a language. “

Merriam-Webster’s online Dictionary defines it thus:
1: an articulative effort giving prominence to one syllable over adjacent syllables ; also : the prominence thus given a syllable
2: a distinctive manner of expression: as a: an individual's distinctive or characteristic inflection, tone, or choice of words —usually used in plural b: a way of speaking typical of a particular group of people and especially of the natives or residents of a region

Lets also see how they define language:
a: the words, their pronunciation, and the methods of combining them used and understood by a community

Recently, way through a business conversation, someone asked me, “So, where is your accent from?”


Where is my accent from?
At moment of discovery, I learned about the right esteem and pride in one’s heritage. I think it was Okot P’Bitek in “Artist the Ruler” who defined culture as a “philosophy lived and celebrated by a people” (paraphrased) also stating that a people’s language carries their culture. It appears to me our way of speaking is influenced by our culture, yes, our cultural roots (despite education level and westernization) and acquired culture by what’s going on around us.

It is said and written (eg in my wikianswers.com finding) “Language is arbitrary.” And that no set of rules are said to be the “right.” I say this with a measure of caution because in linguistics and phonetics, there are principles I still hold firmly to and consciously fight for. Many I speak with on the subject of language agree that the threat to any language is the complacency and laxity that leads to bad spelling, the growing anti-reading culture and Webster’s relaxing the rules and adding words like “Bling Bling” to the dictionary.

Language, again in wiki, is crowned up well; it “typically refers only to expressions of reason which can be understood by other people, most obviously by speaking.”

I see the co-relation between one’s culture and language, and the mainstream role one’s language plays in day-to-day life.

I also begin to see how loss of necessary pride in one’s language, “their way of speaking”, can lead down the unwanted path of bearing an uneasy yoke and discomfort under the tyranny of being phony.

More coming up on this discussion

What I should write: MOTIVATION & HUMOR

I’ve had this contention – You write from internal dialogue, or backed by dialogue with others. I say in dialogue, Motivation & Humor drive life.

Marcus Buckingham, the originator of a social revolution called “simply strengths” points out the need to focus on strengths and downplay weaknesses. A friend recently said in speaking “you must set yourself on fire” - regarding being so deliberate about one’s passion.

Radio talk host Dave Ramsey has a good command in strong language. You can listen to laugh or learn, whether robust or feeble. I particularly get amused by his use of the word “tweet!”and “goober!” when speaking of ignorant or naïve characters. Here are some common statements:
“…tell them to jump off the creek” – as regards some relentless creditors in pursuit
“…they need to grow a brain” – as regards the same, acting irrational

There is always a way of talking about the nemesis on daily context. Those words, though satirized, stir up something.

Jim Carey, a choice comic, can impersonate in a manner that appeals deeply and long lastingly. Humor me! Days later, I go about laughing, and end up amusing my wife. What jokes! Try watching “Fun with Dick & Jane”…the sign of the times.

“Globerdyne tanked!” - on the job layoff
“Stha-tis-tics!” - speaking on TV
“Nobody follow us, we are dangerous criminals! Argggh!” - at the coffee shop hold-up
“I’ve been waiting for you for twenty five years..(bite) Arrghh! That hurts! …The nazi’s used to say that…” – contending with security, at the store to rob.

Steve Harvey on his morning show:

“Hollering BOO! from the bushes cost him a rack of teeth, for he did not know I had a crowbar in my hand.”

Harvey says he was born to tell jokes.

Pastor David Cooper, in talking about taking up the character of Christ, envelopes a key point thus:

“Talking about obedience – ask the married men here. After a few years of marriage, you wonder why they are mellow!” (Uproar in laughter)

***
Summoning back statements of Augustine in “Confessions” :


[1.9.14]- “…Small as I was, I prayed with no slight earnestness that I might not be beaten at school. And when you did not heed me- for that would have been giving me over to my folly- my elders and even my parents too, who wished me no ill, treated my stripes as a joke, though they were then a great and grievous ill to me.”

Also consider this well explained prose:

[1.9.15]- “…However, my mind was absorbed only in play, and I was punished for this by those who were doing the same things themselves. But the idling of our elders is called business; the idling of boys, though quite like it, is punished by those same elders, and no one pities either the boys or the men. For will any common sense observer agree that I was rightly punished as a boy for playing ball- just because this hindered me from learning more quickly those lessons by means of which, as a man, I could play at more shameful games? And did he by whom I was beaten do anything different? When he was worsted in some small controversy with a fellow teacher, he was more tormented by anger and envy than I was when beaten by a playmate in the ball game.”


For contemplation- sporting for boys or men, writers, actors, preachers or radio hosts… there lies plenty of motivation and humor to go by in this life. Much if it makes lots of sense, and we ought to hear and to laugh, for in laughing at the item, we are laughing off our insecurities and feebleness, and striving not to be like “them.”

Finding the Words: THE LABORS OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

The floods of inadequacy
Burst through the barriers of my mind
In trying to speak, I spoke not
But utterances, short of stuttering
Came forth from the deeming slate;
Arrested, Averted- by the blank expressions of the crowd
Their countenance being a window
To their minds, their thoughts to see.

Propped against the podium, yea, the wall
Eyes gliding over a hundred head-tops
I saw a thin, long line-
A narrow unending thread, albeit of ingenial thoughts,
Just as should have been

Laying down the empty slate
Tagging onto the thread,
I caught relief from its clear rightness
And peace started to sweep in, settling my soul.
Lips found their words, as glottal vibrations,
Oozed out the sound of the intended first words
of my brief speech. More followed

The dramatic silence, now broken by proverbial word
The brows, lowered in gradual slow sequence;
Now in full throttle, my speech reaches all
Not with mere persuasiveness and rhetoric
But with common sense – the best virtue

The speech is brief, but its spirit unending
For in getting their attention,
and engaging hearts & minds alike,
This perpetual dialogue reached their conscience
And so becoming common purpose

I rest assured my fifteen minutes of dialogue
With minds- not obstinate ears
Will yield the fruit of common purpose
Three of these minutes were spent in gibberish-
The threat to any unspoken unseen ideas
The other dozen, gladly in good outpouring.

Now comes the radioactive propagation
Of virtue and dignity
Not of the speaker,
But of the ideas,
And no mind will waste away!